What you could not say

I need a room in Berlin for September and October. Two months, quiet, close to a U-Bahn. Budget is not big but it is real.

My cat finally sat on my lap. It took four months and a specific blanket. I have not moved for an hour.

I rehearse phone calls before making them. Sometimes I even write the words down. I never get past the second sentence anyway.

I told my parents I got the job. I did not get the job. That was three weeks ago and I leave the house at nine every morning.

I moved to a new city and my only conversation today was with the cashier. She asked if I wanted a bag. I said yes twice.

i finally threw out the moving boxes. took two years. the flat feels bigger now. keep walking into the empty corner.

i read my ex's posts in order, like a story. only long thing i finished this year. not proud of that.

i've been 'about to start therapy' for four years. i'm really good at the first email. the second one i never send.

i rehearse every phone call before making it. then i get annoyed when the person doesn't follow the script. it's stupid, i know.

my sister sent me a photo of a dog wearing a hat and it fixed my whole week. i've looked at it eleven times. i counted.

i tell people i'm busy. i'm not busy. some days i just can't do small talk and 'busy' ends it in one word.

i got promoted and cried in the car park. happy, then it hit me: another year in the same building, same window.