i reply "haha" to things that are not funny. caught myself today, mid conversation. did not even stop typing it.

i read my sister's diary when i was fifteen. there was nothing in it, honestly. i never told her and i still feel bad about it, years later.

told my mum i was busy so i could sit in a parked car for twenty quiet minutes. engine off, radio low. nobody knows about that part of my week.

When my friend got divorced I felt relief, because I was not the only single one anymore. I am still ashamed, and I still check his face when we meet.